In the Total Film office...
- Sam: Have you seen Tamara Drew?
- Matt: I think I walked out near the end.
- Andy: Why didn't you just stay for the end and then leave?
- Matt: I don't know. I was quite enjoying it, but then I just decided to go and have a shower.
Total Film Office Talk
- Dan: Do you like the gig poster, Sam?
- Sam: Yeah, it's brilliant.
- Dan: You haven't seen it, have you...
- Sam: No.
- Dan: :(
Total Film Office Talk
- (Dan and Sam are out grabbing coffee)
- Dan: You need to check yourself.
- Sam: You need to calm the attitude, before I take you down to Chinatown.
- Dan: I will punch you in the larynx.
- Sam: What? Because I want to take you for a nice meal in Chinatown to cheer you up?
- Dan: I will punch you in the larynx and crush your windpipe.
- Crazy Hobo: (thinking Dan is talking to him) Yeah, you try it, mate.
Total Film Office Talk
- Dan: They're casting the complete cast of Inception for Dark Knight Rises. Best. Cast. Ever.
- Sam: I wonder who DeeCaps is going to play.
- Dan: Who?
- Sam: DeeCaps.
- Dan: Who?
- Sam: DeeCaps! DEECAPS!!!
- Dan: Who?
- Sam: Leonardo DiCaprio.
- Dan: Oh, right.
Total Film Office Talk
- Dan: What are we listening to? I want to put it on Tumblr.
- Matt: (Mumbles) Warbor.
- Dan: What?
- Matt: They're from the Lake District I think.
- Dan: Yes, but what are the called?
- Matt: Warbor
- Dan: WAR-BOR?
- Kathryn: Wild Beasts!
- Dan: Thank you. I couldn't hear a word of that. He was mumbling. I thought I was watching True Grit again.
- Kathryn: So you're saying Matt sounds like Jeff Bridges? Is that an insult?
- Matt: Yeah, they're from Kendal, in the Lake District. Like the mint cake.
Total Film Office Talk
- Dan: So I went to the Apple store to get my iPod fixed. Biggest shit storm ever.
- Kathryn: Did they fix it?
- Dan: No, they offered me an appointment tomorrow, but I wasn't standing there tomorrow, I was stood there then. They practically talked to me in a baby voice. Condescending bastards.
- Kathryn: Didn't you make an appointment online first?
- Dan: No, because Virgin Media decided to turn off my internet connection for two weeks over the holiday period, a time when I would be at home a lot and need to use the internet there. 'Sorry for the inconvenience' they said. I'll inconvenience them, the set of pricks.
- Kathryn: That's terrible.
- Dan: Yeah, so happy new year anyway, glad to be back.
Total Film Office Talk
Sam: How much do I not want to open an email with the subject line: ‘The Last Exorcism - Sexy Christmas Tree’
(If it turns out to be a LOL we’ll post it for you!)
Total Film Office Glossary; Borneo
Adjective. - Used to describe a person, action or object that is very cool, impressive or outstanding, when ‘cool’, ‘awesome’ or ‘epic’ are considered too mainstream to describe it. An open dig at ‘Hipster cool’ jargon - taking a word that means nothing out of context and using it as your cool word.
Examples;
‘That Keyboard Cat t-shirt is well Borneo.’
‘That electro band I saw last night before you were proper Borneo.’
In the Total Film office...
- (Sam is wearing a keyboard cat t-shirt to the gym).
- Dan: Nice t-shirt.
- Sam: Thanks.
- Dan: You look like you’re on an exchange programme from East London
- Sam: Well, it is epic.
- Dan: Correct. Epic fail.
Total Film Office Glossary; Muttley
Verb. (Muttleyed, Muttleys) - To Muttley means to find something so funny you can only respond with a strained wheeze, making your laugh sound like the character from Wacky Races;
Examples;
‘Awesome, that made me Muttley’
‘I enjoyed it so much I Muttleyed’
‘He Muttleys every time he sees it’
In the Total Film office...
- (Matt went to see Family Guy - It's A Trap yesterday)
- Dan: How was Family Guy, Matt?
- Matt: It was good yeah. Same as the other two, what you'd expect. I was really tired though...
- Dan: So go on then, give us a three word review.
- Matt: A three word sentence?
- Dan: Three single words that sum up the experience.
- Matt: Er... 'I. Was. Asleep'
In the Total Film office…
Dan: Do you like glow sitcks, Matt?
Matt: Yeah, I love them.
Dan: Really?
Matt: Yeah, they’re great at festivals. I always get loads, clip them all over my clothing.
Dan: Why, so your friends can find you in the crowd?
Matt: Yeah, it’s really good for that. Except everyone else is covered in glowsticks too, so it doesn’t really work.
The brilliance of Bottom. Just because…
Total Film Office Talk
Andy: Matt, do you ever think, ‘Things were better in the past’?
Matt: Not really. You should focus on the future instead of things that have already happened.
Andy: Exactly. Always be moving forwards.
Matt: Yeah… Unless you’re doing the moonwalk.
